Nicola Sturgeon taught new Prime Minister Boris Johnson a valuable lesson in how to make an instant impression when she rocked up unannounced to Downing Street yesterday in a dramatic and very funny photobombing prank which a spokesman later explained as “a bit of fun”.
After telling Boris “…not to stand in the way…” Oor Nicola proceded to bust a few moves and with her infectious enthusiasm and exquisitely executed Air_Flares it wasn’t long before a few members of the new cabinet were whooping it up, with Kit Malthouse surprising everyone with the quality of his beatboxxing and air_bongos.
Boris made a few funny faces and waved but all eyes were on OorNic and despite a personal offer from the FM that she would have Ian Blackford show him the secret to her signature Taisuke_Critical and assurances that the flat nature of the topography of his skull would “…make Head_Slides a scoosh fur ye JOBBO..” Mr Johnson refused to commit himself to a date for a return dance_off at Bute House anytime in the near future, to the obvious disappointment of his new cabinet.
Miss Sturgeon said she understood… high fived his new cabinet and left a massive box of After Eights with the policeman at the front door, demonstrating to all those present her good Scottish upbringing, generosity, humour and consummate professionalism before clicking her heels twice and vanishing into the ether, leaving nothing but a pair of smoking, sparkly converse trainers and everyone wondering if it had all been a dream?
When later asked to confirm a Downing Street press officers explanation that “JAWBONE is a private joke going back many years between the pair, when the PM was editor at the Spectator” a Scottish Government representative laughed and said that “JOBBY was a name that Miss Sturgeon used regularly, as dafty is no longer socially acceptable as a derogatory term for idiots in a 21st Century Scotland”